Here's a riff I wrote to a friend who really has so, so much on her plate. Her kids have gluten intolerance and other medical issues, allergy problems, asthma, you name it. She is a vibrant, funny, great athlete who has so much to offer, not only her family, but the world. She wrote to a women's forum I'm part of asking for help with organizing her day to day life. She was looking for advice about Rubbermaid containers, and other practical suggestions about how to keep all the balls in the air.
While I've never met a Rubbmaid container I didn't like, I felt her sense of being totally overwhelmed would not be cured by a mega-shop at the Container Store. I know my life turned around when I asked one simple question--"What do I want?" It's the LOA put to work all day, every day in every aspect of life:
My reply to my friend. I hope it helped her.
I'm not even going to get into practical suggestions about organizing baking schedules, and lego pieces. I'm going to start with the macro.
Organizing is one thing, but there are bigger issues going on here. First of all, NOBODY can handle that all alone. (She has to bake all gluten-free breads and treats for her boys, plus deal with skin allergies and special baths, nebulizers, other health issues, and raising kids in NYC.) Well, you can do it all, if you want to be stressed out, overwhelmed, and giving out that kind of energy to everyone you encounter including your family. If you want to be overwhelmed, stressed out and not 100% yourself, then carry on. If not, ask yourself on simple question.
What is my heart's desire?
Seriously. Ask it. I have no idea what it will be for you in particular, but if you say--"I want to be able to give them a nice bath without it putting me over the edge...I want to have those spare cupcakes for parties ready to go...I want to flow good, healing, upbeat, mom-is-happy energy. I want to be able read the damn google docs and do my training"--then there's only one way to get there.
You "buy out" of it.
You use what resources you can to take care of YOU first, which paradoxically (and ever so Buddhist-like), allows you to take care of everyone even more. Make your own list--I certainly don't know what the breakdown will be for you specifically--but hire an organizer, hire a housekeeper, hire someone to bake the gosh-darn bread, or do all the cooking. Get rid of as many soul-crushers as you can. (Trust me, there will still be some left in spite of it all. )
What is your heart's desire????? Answer that, and get some help to make it happen.
As you know, an article I wrote about this got me on Oprah to talk about just this topic. When I had four little ones and was overwhelmed by sheer numbers of kids, and work, and house, I sat down one day and asked myself the simple question, "What do I want?" Ever since then, that's how I've run my life. What feeds my soul, what makes me smile, what makes me feel alive and interesting and sexy and worthwhile? When you run your life 80% that way, everyone around you thrives. It's like you give everyone a gift. The gift of the true, fulfilled, happy you instead of the I-can't-deal-with anything-I-have-to-bake-again you.
I really feel the choices are ours. And it's a responsibility not only to be a caretaker, but a fulfilled person who leads by example of how to be filled to the brim with good energy for everyone around them. That's what your sons will take from you, and what your legacy will be to them and to yourself. "What is my heart's desire" is a question that has to be answered sooner or later. I'm a fan of sooner.
